Dads are from Mars… Mums are from Venus! 

How many times do you look at the father of your children and think they must live on another planet?  I swear, it doesn’t matter what you do in life, as a mum, you are pretty much the font of all knowledge – accept of course if the electric goes, the computer freezes or you have to admit you don’t know where the petrol cap button is on the car (damn it!).

Now, I’m certainly not dissing men here, (and my very own hubby is the most wonderful man ever ) so don’t be getting on your high horse lads – this is all a little bit of fun, but these are the questions I ask myself every week!

So, I’ll start with the obvious… the bloody toilet seat!  For the love of god, just put the damn thing down… and squirt some bleach down there while you’re at it!!

It doesn’t matter where I am in the house, if the kids need anything they come and find me.  I could be in the shower, on the loo, putting washing out… they clearly forget there is another parent in the house to ask who doesn’t happen to be indisposed at that moment!

Why is it, on the rare occasion I go out on a night out with the girls, I get people ask me (usually men) if hubby is babysitting!  WTF! Babysitting! What parent babysits? Depending on how many I’ve had to drink will depend on my sarcastic answer! “Yes, I pay him £5 an hour!” to “No, he’s the Dad!”.  No way would anyone ask if I was home babysitting if it was the other way around so what’s that all about?

When I decide I’m going to have an early night, I need to plan ahead at least an hour before I want to get some shut eye.  Men, pretty much, simply go to bed.  Before I head up, I will always find a washing machine full of wet washing (shit), then a tumble dryer full of dry washing (shit), then realise its PE tomorrow and those elusive football socks have disappeared again (ffs!) oh yes, and the kids sandwiches are still not made! (Bollocks!). Early night my arse!

Now, I’m not going to lie, I’m not always the best person at remembering birthday cards.  It’s usually when everyone starts posting birthday wishes on timelines that I dash out and get a card/present and have to hand deliver it ! But what would happen if you left all the birthday cards to your other half… I dread to think! I know that at least three birthdays would be remembered… the rest? Not so much!

My hubby has learnt that he must never, EVER, ring during the morning school routine.  Unless you’re on a death wish dads, do not attempt it!

Weekend away?  Yes please you say… but before you go, do remember to account for every eventuality that might happen during the weekend.  This gets slightly better as the kids get older, but my point here is, Dad’s just pack their cases and go… fat chance we could ever do that!

Its the holidays… you’ve had the kids all day and you’ve just about managed to hold your shit together, although there has been plenty of two fingers up behind the fridge door and countless ‘for fcuk sakes’ muttered under your breath. However, for the past ten hours you’ve stuck it out.  Dad walks in and lasts about three minutes before he blows!  The only thing to do is crack open the wine… I mean, its sophisticated to have it with ‘dinner’ right?!

Men in general (not just our wonderful baby daddy’s) are a bit special though!  I mean, how bloody difficult is it to put the actual dish in the actual dishwasher? Placing it above it on the side really doesn’t count!!

And what on earth do they do on the toilet?  I’m not sure I really want to know the answer, but for the love of god lads, you’re taking the piss here! Do your bowels work differently from ours? No!!

Why is it that when Hubby kindly offers to got shopping, I’m running some kind of ‘shoppers helpline’? Seriously, just ask someone!

Why do men expect you to know the exact location of things?  If its gone missing, it’s assumed that I have obviously put it in a special place (sometimes I have, because its been left out for so sodding long) but in general, I’m meant to know the whereabouts of any specific item of clothing/shoes/keys!

Of course, most of this is said purely tongue in cheek and the men and dads in our lives are wonderful people.  Let’s face it, as much as they can be a pain in the butt, having control of all things ‘family’ is what we’re good at… and truth be told, we wouldn’t want it any other way!!

Until next time…. Love and hugs xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Domino Effect! Little changes make a big difference…

The Domino Effect… 

I’m so pleased to be typing that this week really has been a much better week.  Mornings have felt calmer, same with evenings and I’ve done a lot less sticking up of my fingers from behind the fridge door! It’s almost like a domino effect.  Thing is, I’m not sure what has triggered it, but since the kids have gone back to school, I’ve made the following changes…

Change No.1

I am trying really hard to be more organised! Not the best thing to publicise when your job is a personal assistant to a Regional Director… but its like a busman’s holiday.. just because I’m organised (ish) in work, doesn’t mean I’m good at it at home!  However, having little things ready like uniforms (including underwear) hanging up on the bedroom door for the next day, PE kits (or any other kinds of kit) ready by the front door and lunchboxes done the night before has really helped.  I swear, I would spend a good five minutes every bloody morning looking for a missing grey school sock!  I’ve bought 10 pairs of the sodding things for the start of term!  Wonder how long before they’re all gone!

Yep… I really am that unorganised!  This really doesn’t help when your daughter suffers from anxiety! It’s not rocket science, but I didn’t appreciate how much it has helped in the mornings.

Change No.2

I’ve sorted out my ‘drawers’ and tackled the ‘Man Drawer’.  For those who don’t know what that is, it’s a drawer (ours is in the kitchen) where you throw lots of shit stuff that you either don’t know what to do with or can’t bring yourself to throw away.  Old keys, countless batteries, old chargers, shit toys from party bags, takeaway menus circa 2014, pens that no longer work, old chequebooks.. you get the idea.

To replace this, I created a ‘I need a’ box… a (stylish) storage box that holds everything we are always looking for; scissors, cellotape, suncream, hairbrush, working pens, ear defenders, charger… you get the idea.  Tonight hubby was looking for a marker pen, “in the ‘I need a’ box”.  I felt very smug!

In turn, the man drawer is now housing stuff that cluttered my cutlery drawer, making that more organised.  I know, it so sad that storage gets me this excited… but check it out! 

Change No.3

I’ve got back in the exercise game!

I don’t want to be a ‘keep fit bore’ but I was always good at getting myself up at 6.00 am and doing a 30 minute workout Mon-Fri and I underestimated how much it helps with my health.

Over the school holidays this year, I really let it slide.  I was having a pretty shit time of it and I didn’t want to exercise, mainly because I’d have one or two large wines the night before to make myself feel better for having a shit time of it!  The extra time in bed was a much nicer option.

However, not doing exercise has a knock on effect to other things which doesn’t lead to feeling any better… just your lovely little leather jacket you now want to wear feeling a little bit tighter!!

So I set my Lumie Bodyclock (best alarm clock ever) for 6.00 am and started getting back to knocking out a workout, usually with lovely Joe Wicks, The Bodycoach (easy on the eye) or one of my P90X3 discs with Tony Horton (good on the eye for an older guy #still would).  Whenever I feel like not doing it, I think about how I feel at the end of it… and how the dreaded bingo wings will be less flappy in a month’s time!

Change No. 4.

Now that I’ve started back exercising, I subconsciously make more of an effort at eating better (better, not less) fuelling my body with good, tasty food which in turns helps me feel better still. Don’t get me wrong, if I want chocolate cake, I’ll have it, I’ll enjoy it and not feel bloody guilty for it (which once upon a time I would do).

I also took the battery out of the scales earlier in the year.  Not a biggy you may think, but I would weigh myself at least every morning and the number I saw would determine how I would feel for the day. I think I’d been doing that since I was 15!  Our last set of scales weighed everything… weight, fat, bone density, muscle, water, probably wine consumption too!  I would be obsessed with which numbers went up and down and get hung up on it if things weren’t going the right way.

Now I have no idea what I weigh, I just go by my clothes and how I feel.  It’s liberating!  If I’m eating well and exercising, it usually takes care of itself.

Change No.5

I’ve gone back to a paper diary.  I’ve used my phone calendar for years and a wall calendar at home, but I would forget to check my phone and not always write stuff on the calendar as I don’t always want daughter dear knowing what is going on (see earlier blog).

Now I am writing EVERYTHING in the diary… meals for the week, to do lists, ideas, calls I’ve made, anything I can think of.  I still managed to forget a birthday last week, but its early days!

 

I’m still a work in progress and there are things I still want to make a habit such as;

Green smoothies – I do them for about a week and then can’t be arsed and leave it until I see mangos or something similar on offer and I’ll try again!

Mindfulness – I tried the Headspace App, which was really good but so far, I’ve done it only once. It’s worth doing it, if only for the 10 minutes peace and quiet!

I wrote this blog so that when I’m feeling like its all going tits up… I can read back and see that for at least a week or so, I was winning!

Until next time,

Love and Hugs xxx