Run for your Life!!

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!


Ok, so maybe that’s a bit dramatic!  It should maybe read ‘Run for your Health’… or ‘Run for your Mental Health’ as I truly believe the two go hand in hand.

Its no secret that this last six weeks has been the most challenging ever in terms of changing behaviour, meltdowns, anxieties and upsets of my ‘near Teen’.  It’s been a mentally draining six weeks with a whole lot of patience required, sometimes it breaks, sometimes it doesn’t. I think yesterday it finally took its toll on me.

For the past few days I’ve been getting that all too familiar feeling of anxiety brewing in my belly.  The feeling of not feeling right… the increasing deep breaths I was taking, my enthusiasm and ‘get up and go’ fading more each day.  Then yesterday, I felt… nothing.  I felt numb and knackered, not feeling like doing anything… and not in a ‘I can’t be arsed’ kind of way, just ‘I can’t’.

I simply lay all afternoon on the sofa, but not snuggling up with a movie having a pj day… that’s enjoyable.  I just felt completely zapped of energy and the only thing to keep me awake was the first half of the charity football game for the Grenfell Tower… Jamie Dornan playing football was NOT going to be missed!  I paid my text donation and enjoyed! Then I slept (most likely dreaming of Mr D in his football shorts! 😛).

I woke up still feeling rubbish.  I wanted to have a good cry, but good old Prozac kind of puts the breaks on the floodgates… a telephone call with my Dad encouraged a trickle. I felt like I seriously didn’t want to do anything.  A night out with the girls… No!  A cosy pub with the hubby… No!  I was beginning to wonder if I would be able to shake this off.  I haven’t got time to be depressed…. I have a Social Media course to start this month and two girly weekends away coming up… I really needed to shake this!

It didn’t help that daughter dear had a half hour meltdown which was (once again) triggered by food… the bigger pizza I was cooking was not quite ready, which obviously meant she wasn’t getting any… obviously!!  This in turn pissed hubby right off as he has also been feeling stressed.  Bloody hell,  I couldn’t even own my ‘pity party day’ all by myself!

Well, as they say, today is another day.  Today is also the day of our local half marathon in support of Cancer Research UK, of which hubby is an organiser – hence the stress the previous day!  There was no way I was going to dip out of this and let him down.  Thankfully, I’d made the sensible decision of doing the 10K race this year rather than the half (mainly because I’ve been rubbish with my running and I couldn’t be arsed to put in the miles of training!).   Sensible decision made I’d say, given the miserable day we woke up to this morning! 🌧🌧

So, I got myself up (after several snooze hits!) and got my shit together.  I have to be honest, I’ve never been so unprepared for a race!  No kit ready, no ‘carb loading’ the day before which I would’ve done in the past, which is a sure sign that I’ve lost my mojo for it.  I didn’t even have a watch to track my time – something which I’d been obsessed about in previous races!  I figured today, I will just run… not bust a gut… just run.

And that is what I did… and I felt all the better for it.  If nothing else, its an hour of not having anyone call my name or “MUM”!!  The race was fantastic, the rain didn’t bother me… I felt like Forest Gump and ‘just kept running’. I even managed a not too shabby time considering my pretty non-existent training programme this summer!

I know in the past when I have felt low, exercise and good diet, however much I didn’t feel like doing either, helped me to feel better and today was no exception.  Although, I’m not sure the gut-busting Chinese I’ve scoffed will count as good diet! 🍚🍜😋

Aaaaah well, Monday tomorrow… I’ll start then!

FYI, the header pic is my hubby and I proudly completing last year’s Half Marathon raising money for Ovarian Cancer Research in memory of my dear Mum. ❤

Until next time.

Love and hugs

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Mixed Emotions for Little Mix! How we nearly didn’t go to the concert!(blog #13)

Back in May, we surprised the kids with tickets to Little Mix as part of their birthday present (they’re both May babies!).  They were both very excited and for the last few months I’ve heard nothing but how excited they (Ellie) was for the concert.

Fast forward to the night before (Thursday). Ellie had a huge meltdown about how she was going to look rubbish, how she would “look like the donkey” (what!??), how she was going to have her hair – up/down/curly – and which ever way I suggested, it was still going to look rubbish!

Then there was more…. “Are you going to dance?” (Yes Ellie)  “I don’t think you will”.  “Can I dance?”…  “I’m a rubbish singer”… “Shall I sing?”… “My hair is going to look rubbish”…… I zoned out!

Weirdly she said nothing about the crowds and waiting… though I know this was the underlying factor to the anxiety.  There was constant shouting at me of  “I’m excited for Little Mix!”.  I had to resist the urge to shout ‘Tell your face then’ and just replied “Ok babe” but that just got a shout back “Are you excited?”   Well,  right in that moment, no I wasn’t excited.  I really didn’t want to go at all.

Forty-five minutes later and Ellie had finally gone up to bed – crying and mumbling more of the same… and I’m sat with a vodka – on a school night – with work in the morning (I’m hardcore like that 😉 !).  A WhatsApp moan to my best girls and a waffle on my Facebook page and I felt a little better… plus the second vodka was kicking in! (don’t judge).

Next morning… what do you think were the first words I heard?  Yep, you guessed it… “I’m really excited for Little Mix” which would’ve been fine, except it was a moany, shouty noise I heard and not an excitable 12 year old!   Oh god! Here we go again! There was an hour of more of the same – all whilst trying to get us out for the school run and me off to work.  Well, I lasted 45 minutes before I blew my top – which actually could be some kind of a record!  Hubby stayed out of Ellie’s way so as not to add to the anxiety levels!  It’s really not helpful for two parents to lose it!

Later that morning, I hear that the traffic for the the previous night’s gig was horrendous.  Over an hour just to get into the car park, and hours to get out again.  I was really not wanting to go now.  Ellie doesn’t do waiting at the best of times, so this would definitely be meltdown territory.

After much consideration, we came up with the following plan.  Hubby offered to stay at home as he’s not great in traffic either (stressssss head!) and that would take the pressure off of me to try and keep both him and Ellie calm.  I think the thought of a quiet night, hot tub, beer and the TV to himself may have also played a part!  What a trooper! 🙂

We were also taking George’s little friend from school and her mum with us, so that would hopefully be a good distraction for Ellie.   Well, the plan worked!  Despite it taking well over an hour to move the last six miles, the singing in the back of the car and eating of snacks was a complete distraction and we got there meltdown free.

We were lucky at the gate as well.  We arrived just half an hour before the main act – which meant the line for bag search was empty and despite a little wobble as we entered the site, Ellie was doing really well.

The concert was held outside at Powderham Castle in Devon so there were no feelings of claustrophobia and we stood quite near the back (which was handy for later as we got out first).  Ellie didn’t even need her ear defenders (George wore them) and she was now genuinely excited to see her favourite group.

What happened next made all that pain and anxiety (mine as well as Ellie’s) worth it.  As the girls came on, Ellie held her hand to her mouth and started to cry.  She was so happy to see her girls there on stage!  Granted, they were small dots from where we were, but seeing them on the big screen and seeing Ellie so ecstatic was amazing.  She must have cried with joy at least half a dozen times during the concert!

We danced, we sang, we waved and even ‘slut dropped’ a few times! (did I just say slut dropped?!).

Ellie LMix pic
Pure Joy!
Ellie and me LMix
Finally relaxed at the gig!
us at LMix
Fun Times!
 

As I said earlier, being near the back had its advantages.  We left just before the encore (as did a lot of others) and watched the last song as we walked to the car park.  I then made a sprint for the car and picked up the guys on the way out!  We were out of the car park in 5 minutes! Genius!*

Apart from a scary detour up a single car sized country lane which seemed to go up into a forest and me trying to manoeuvre us past several cars coming the other way (Ellie really not keen on that – & nor was I tbh!) the evening was a complete success and I’m so glad we decided to go.  Both Ellie and her brother George were still buzzing when they got up this morning.

So, I might just do it again!

*I heard later that night that two friends were stuck in the car park for over two hours!  So whilst they were still trying to get out, I’d got the kids up to bed and was now sat… having a vodka! Right decision made! 🙂

Until next time….

img_9537-1Love and hugs xxxx

We need more tests… The York Test! (Blog#10)

So, after our first experience with Kinesiology and being told that Ellie was having issues with her gut and that she was intolerant to wheat, dairy, cows milk, oats and potato we went hell for leather and took all of those things out of her diet.

We’d already asked at the doctor’s whether intollerance testing was available on the NHS – but it was restricted to allergies.  The difference between them is; an allergy will show up almost immediately (such as a rash or vomitting) but an intolerance can happen several days later, which makes it doubly hard to work out what nasty food caused it.

I can’t remember how we came across The York Test – whether it was Dr Hillary on Good Morning TV or if it was word of mouth, but we found ourselves Googling it and forking out the £200+ on this comprehensive intolerance test which looked at 113 foods from a small sample of blood.

So, we ordered the kit, pricked Ellie’s finger and sent the sample back.  The results took a few days to come back… and there it was – Wheat, Gluten (Gliadin) and Cow’s milk, with a borderline result on Beef and Yeast.

So, we continued with the diet and very slowly, we saw improvements from what we experienced in those dark winter months.  There was still such a long way to go.

I’m not going to lie, it was hard work.  Constantly planning ahead and taking a rucksack of food everywhere we went.  Watching Ellie’s every move – she was two, she didn’t yet understand that she couldn’t have the biscuits at play group and why did mummy have a special one.

The ‘Free From’ aisles were a lot smaller than they are today, and didn’t even exist in some supermarkets. There was very little ordering on-line – we weren’t that computer savvy back then anyway!  There was also very little choice if we went out for a meal – it was usually baked potato and beans as everything else would have some kind of a coating on them.

We were so lucky to have family on our side with these big changes to Ellie’s diet.  I’ve read stories where family members don’t get on board, not believing it makes any difference and sneaking little treats because ‘one won’t hurt’.  There were several occasions where it only took one little mishap for Ellie to be really poorly a few days later.

I know that back then I would never have done it without my mum’s help.  She was amazing.  She would be constantly researching, trying out recipes for biscuits and bread made of  different flours and scouring the supermarket aisles for foods that Ellie can eat. She would be so excited ringing me up to tell me that she’d found something tasty that Ellie could have.  I miss that so much.

Oddly, I seem to find myself in a similar situation right now.  Ellie’s behaviour has gotten pretty erratic lately – and whilst we’d been putting it down to hormones, grief and moving up to secondary school for the past year, something doesn’t sit right.  Call it Mother’s Instinct.   I’m now considering doing another York Test to see to what extent these foods are not agreeing with her… because its bloody hard finding Gluten free food without Rice, Corn and Egg as a substitute for a non-stop eating Tween!

This time, I have no choice but to do it without my mum.  I’m just thankful for how far ‘clean eating’ has come.  There is so much more out there – whether it’s on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest (I totally love Pinterest!) YouTube or Facebook.

So I’ve once again taken to the baking today… Cherry and Walnut Squares made with coconut oil, maple syrup, ground almonds, etc etc. I had to use an egg substitute and it didn’t turn out quite right… but practice makes perfect… or edible!mothersdaugter logo

Until next time….

Love & hugs xxx

 

Ok, so they were actually pretty nice… they just didn’t turn out quite like the picture from the ‘The Foodie Teen’ book!!

 

 

Kinesiology results! Oooooh shit! (Blog#8) 

So, nine years after doing this weird practice with Ellie, I had a feeling that some of the food she is eating at the moment isn’t helping her. We’re seeing some very random behaviour that just doesn’t feel right.

It’s so hard to tell though… she is 12 so is raging with hormones… she is 12 so is gaining an attitude with every waking moment, but she is also autistic and her ‘traits’ seem to be more exaggerated lately!

So, we had the Kinesiology food intolerance test done. Ellie lay on the ‘bed’ and was given one by one, a tiny tube to hold by her cheek with different food essence (or something like that) in. She then had to hold her other arm up. If she could hold it up, the food is ok… if it dropped, it wasn’t.  I know it sounds completely weird, but it has worked before so we had nothing to lose.

Now,  I was hoping that maybe one or two foods would come up so I could eliminate them and we would see some calmer behaviour. I wasn’t expecting 11 foods to come up! Wheat, Oats, Corn, Eggs, Cheese, Beef, Fish (cod), Oranges, Yeast, Chocolate & Rice!  What the F am I going to feed her?! Weirdly, Cows Milk was ok, as was Soya, both of which used to bother her greatly.

So, I need to give this my best shot, and the good thing is we tend to know within a couple of weeks if it has made a difference and we can slowly re-introduce certain foods.  I’m going to take the weekend to look at what foods we can work with and start next week… and on the bright side, crisps are still  on the menu!! Phew!!

Until next time,  love and hugs xxx

Friday Morning Rant! The joy of non-uniform day and music festivals! (Blog#7)

It’s not often I will do this (I hope) but I’ve had a crappy morning and my first instinct was to bash out a blog.  The whole point of me doing this – along with telling our story, was to get off my chest all things I would want to talk to my mum about (double meaning to the blog you see) so hopefully after this I will feel better… otherwise I may need a trip to the local bakery as it’s a little early for wine (unless you’re in an airport!).

So the morning started in a familiar way – sleepy hubby, crazy dog, chirpy son, mildly grumpy daughter… but today is a different day – which is usually not a good thing.  It’s non-school uniform day and Glastongrove Music Festival (taking place at school for the last lesson of the day going into the evening – family can attend after school).

So first we have the drama of whether Ellie looks nice in her chosen outfit.  She’d made a really good choice and she looked lovely.  I could handle the constant asking if it was done in a nice tone of voice, but Ellie’s default setting is sarcastic/angry/loud and hyper negative so her repeatingly barking at us “do I look nice?” wears a bit thin at 7.30am!

I maybe made the mistake of suggesting that it would sound a lot nicer if she said ‘how do I look’ (said in a much gentler tone!) to which she attempted to repeat it, one angry version, one sarcastic version and one upset version.  After moving on quickly from that, I dared to check if she’d done her deodorant and perfume (as she’d worn perfume the previous day). Well, that sparked a lot of angry shouting saying I was ‘forcing her to wear perfume’.  WTF!!!!  So I told her I didn’t care either way to which she screamed “I WILL!”. Trying to keep calm, I walked away.

So the next little speed bump this morning was the the whole music festival thing.  Ellie wants us all to go, but at the same time, doesn’t want us to go and she simply can’t cope with that emotion.  She told me “I’m gonna be kinda embarrassed when you and Dad turn up later” so I said (still calm) “That’s fine, I’m happy not to come” to which she yelled – “BUT I WANT YOU TO COME”.  That too-ed and fro-ed for a bit… all going on whilst trying to get out the door for school! I dare not ask if she’s done her teeth yet, but I do! Not my best decision!

What followed was a lot of stamping, kicking things (because she is, quote; ‘so angry’), muttering, saying negative things about herself  and all the while I just want to scream my head off… and I nearly got there a couple of times… the volume in the house was definitely rising this morning!   Thankfully, our little eight-year old was being a little angel… they do that on purpose to piss the other sibling off, but I’m not complaining!  I felt awful that I couldn’t wait to drop her off at school.

Now, I get that ‘Tweens’ & ‘Teens’ can be miserable, hormonal sods that make you want to chop your own head off… but what I struggle with is the whole negative, anxiety part that autism throws in with it.  Blowing up over the smallest thing.  Every bit of my response is super analysed and seen as negative, however I say it and whatever I say.

I mentioned in my last blog about how we used Kinesiology when Ellie was small to find out if any foods were bothering her and that she’d done a few things lately that didn’t sit right with me.  Well, I have an appointment with Ellie later this afternoon to see the same lady.  I haven’t told her yet though… it’s just easier to tell her 5 minutes before we leave!

Is it wrong that part of me wants her to find something?  We know that if there is too much of something in Ellie’s body it can effect her brain function. It’s not going to take the Autism away but it might help with the occasional weird eye flicking, the stuttering and not being able to get words out.  The only thing is, if she has to cut out crisps, we’ll be in for another meltdown!

Best check the wine fridge!

Until next time…

mothersdaugter logo  Love & Hugs xx